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What to do when you experience an unexpected death in the family

We’ve all been there, or if we haven’t yet, we will some day. A parent’s health is declining and we prepare for the inevitable. A spouse is diagnosed with cancer and we wait with baited breath to see if the treatments work.

But what happens when a family death is unexpected, when a sister doesn’t wake up, a son takes his life or a husband takes the motorcycle out but doesn’t return home? Then what do we do? By then, the pre-planning phase, when most people get their estate in order in the event of their death, has passed. Now it’s time to act, but the grief is palpable. The fear of action is paralyzing. So many steps, mounds of paperwork, calls to make, bills to pay. What do you do?

Most people are procrastinators. We wait and wait until something bad happens to spring into action. No one really wants to think about their estate plan, but one becomes essential in the event of an unexpected death.

More often than not, these unexpected cases are the ones that find themselves on my desk. At Conti Law, our job is to walk you through the process. Every family member I meet who is going through this exact situation is comforted to know that all of this stuff isn’t only on their shoulders. We’ve been through it before, and we will help you get through it today. So, what is the first thing that you need to do?

Step One: Take a deep breath

The exercise of settling an estate is long and daunting, but have faith knowing you aren’t walking this path alone. There is no immediate rush. Death is final, so take the time you need to grieve. Make the calls to the funeral home and cemetery. Order death certificates (10 is typically plenty). Plan a celebration of life. Let the mail and bills pile up. They aren’t going anywhere. But once your loved one is put to rest, it’s time to get to work.

Step Two: Gather your paperwork

Prior to meeting with us, your first bit of homework should be to gather as much information as you can. Is there a will? If not, notate who’s the next of kin (spouse, kids, parents, siblings). Are there assets, and how are they titled (individually, jointly, with beneficiaries or without). Grab that stack of mail and bring it with you for us to review. This process takes time and has many steps but just know that it’s not your job to be the expert, it’s ours.

Will the estate go through probate and will you have to go downtown to get sworn in? That depends on all of my questions above. If your loved one died with joint assets or had beneficiaries on all accounts, the answer probably is no. However, you won’t know that answer right away. That’s where we come in. We investigate each account, make the necessary telephone calls and send the documentation that each of these companies requires. In a perfect world, we would make a cheat sheet of all of our stuff before we died, including assets, debts and passwords. But normally the situation doesn’t lend itself to perfection.

Step Three: Assessing the will

Once we review the situation and determine if an estate needs opened, we can move forward with deciding on the validity and terms of the last will and testament. Does it meet Pennsylvania law? Do we need other documentation signed first before you are sworn in as the executor? If a person dies in Pennsylvania without a will, the family must agree on who will be in charge. More papers need signed and notarized. Then it’s time to venture to court to begin the estate process.

The court has several filing requirements and deadlines that are imperative to meet. An inheritance tax return is due within nine months of death, but the Commonwealth provides a 5% discount if the estimated payment is made within three months. This is why it’s important not to wait too long to act. Let’s get the tax payment as low as legally possible when we can.

Step Four: Paying bills and distributing assets

The most important advice I can give is DO NOT START PAYING EACH BILL THAT ARRIVES IN THE MAIL UNTIL YOU MEET WITH AN ATTORNEY. This seems to be the hardest pill for most to swallow. Pennsylvania has a priority of creditor list, which means creditors must be paid within a certain order in the event that there isn’t enough money in the estate to pay all of the bills. This is why we gather all of the information at the start. If the estate is insolvent, but you paid bills out of order, you may be opening yourself up to personal liability. But that doesn’t have to be the case. So long as the rules are followed, the personal representative (executor, administrator) is not personally responsible for any debt their loved one leaves behind… UNLESS they don’t follow the rules.

The funeral bill and anything associated with the cost of the funeral (cremation, wake, flowers) is always paid first. Then those who paid out of pocket for anything pertaining to the deceased loved one are reimbursed. Professional fees are next, then medical bills within six months of death, and the list goes on, and on. This is why it’s so important that an attorney assesses the situation and guides you through the actions.

I’m always asked if assets such as a house or car can be transferred before the estate is finalized. Normally, the answer is no. This is because we must make sure that the assets cover all outstanding debts first, then the distribution to beneficiaries kicks in. There is a misnomer that when you die your debt dies with you, and that characteristically is NOT the case.

What about an asset that was in your spouse’s individual name that they just never got around to adding you to? The process is the same. Being a spouse is only exempt from Pennsylvania inheritance tax. We still have to go through the steps of taking the asset from the decedent’s name, processing it through the estate and ultimately transferring it to the inheriting party.

Michele P. Conti is an estate planning and elder law attorney. She is also the owner of Conti Law, a concierge law firm. Conti attended Allegheny College in Meadville, Oxford University and Duquesne University School of Law. She received her LL.M. in taxation from Villanova University. She can be reached at (724) 784-0239 or at [email protected].